Sorry You Died Little Mole

I tried to save this mole from death.

Hey Mr. Mole - run away!

My rodent terrorist cat had already assassinated his friend, and was now toying with him, keeping him close, not letting him run.
I quickly brought the cat inside, and tried to administer first aid to the mole.
His breathing was shallow, he was rooted to the spot- he would not run.
Then I had the bright idea that I should show him to my 5 year old son.
Blinded by my human privilege, I put the mole in a clay pot and brought him into my house.

The mole jumped.

He hit the floor.

He was NOT ok.

I quickly brought him back outside and for the rest of the morning I monitored him - hoping he'd move, run, dig, something, ANYTHING mole like.

His breathing was rapid, his eyes half mast, his whiskers twitched.

At one point I saw him clean himself- Hooray! He's stable!

But he would not move from his spot.

Was he dying?
Was it the fall?
The cat?
PTSD?

Hours later someone (I'm not pointing fingers here- but it wasn't me) left the back door open, and the next thing I knew- the mole was again a prisoner of war.

I ran out- chase the cat away screaming NOOOOO
but it was too late.
He'd gone to that great dirt tunnel in the sky.

I'm sorry you died little mole.

On behalf of all dumb dumb humans-
I am so sorry for it all.

I SUCK at Vision Boards

Last night I went to a vision board party, yay!

I was really excited, I mean it’s good to have a vision for your life, right? And it’s fun to cut out pictures from magazines and paste them on poster board, plus it tells your subconscious and ultimately THE UNIVERSE, what you want to manifest! So I was psyched!

But, crystals and mantras and sage and magical wish paper not withstanding, I floundered and failed to make a vision appear- ON THE PAPER- so it’s no wonder I can’t get that shit to materialize in my life!

At the end everyone proudly showed their altruistic and wise visions, explaining the deeper meaning and kick-ass trajectory their lives would soon be taking.

On mine some trees, sparkles, and a lady with nice hair, were all lamely stuck on, like the images themselves were embarrassed to be seen with me. As I held my board up, the word ADVENTURE curled off the page and fell to the floor, as if to say: nice try Reiser, not gonna happen.

So there you have it. In an attempt to better my life, I found I suck at even the arts n’ craft skills necessary to better my life.

I mean, come on...

I suck at vision boards.



Ah, Hope… you still there? Sing me to sleep tonight with your sweet eternal song, cause I still believe…